Tuesday, November 13, 2007

love and supportive healing vibes for my hubby

well, my hubs is in a very bad mental state. it's not IF related, but the struggle is very similar. i'm looking for advice/support/ways to muddle through.

he is in the ar.my and when his orders were cut, they were cut incorrectly, so as to reduce his income by about a third. only one other person of the many who had orders coming due at the same time were affected in the same way. this means he is working along-side people whose orders were cut at the same time as his, and yet did not suffer the same loss of income. he has basically exhausted his options for redress, and it doesn't look like there will be any. not that people are saying what happened is right, just that it's done and worse could have happened. add to this that the people he works with and under do not cut the orders, that happens at a different level. so there's no one he works directly with or near that either cut the orders or who have the direct ability to fix it. so he feels very very low. doesn't want to do his work because his situation is not fair, doesn't want to not do his work because that's not fair either. spends all his time trying for solutions, realizing there probably won't be any. trying not to make all his co-workers hate him for spending so much time on this, on the other hand, how could he not?

so, how do you go on when you're in an f*cked up situation? one way is you just do because you have to. i think this is true for him...he will go on because even though his situation is bad, the alternatives are worse (iraq, unemployed, etc). this is a mind-f*ck that all of us infertile-types are intimately familiar with. we struggle for that thing which comes so simply and naturally and thoughtlessly to the vast majority of people. we look around at people who confidently circle due dates on their calendar after the first bfp, who never had a loss, or who treat their pregnancies carelessly. we are somehow caught in a different ride than most people, and even the best 'fixes' still hurt. how do you keep your spirit? how do you not feel uniquely targeted, when it feels so individual? what are your strategies for muddling through?

3 comments:

Geohde said...

Mz Bee,

I am sorry that your husband is in one of those no-win situations. As for muddling throuhg, well Ijust keep getting out of bed in the morning! Not precisely sage advice,

xx

J

Lori said...

I wish I had some advice. I'm sorry he (and you) are going through this.

dmarie said...

I'm so sorry you and your hubby are going through this. Infertility is terrible enough! I really hope the problem gets resolved for him really soon.

As for strategies, I wish I had some I could share with you. Like Geohde, getting outta bed is an accomplishment.