Sunday, October 14, 2007
'risk taking' and the 2ww
all the different ways the 2ww tries our souls. yesterday i ran my a$$ off playing ultimate. it was a great game too, my team really needed me, and i ended up catching the game-winning point :). but should people in the 2ww exert themselves so strenuously? it's all a huge mindf*ck, because, potentially, i could be in the 2ww at least half of the time for the next long while. should i give up my life and sit at home for what could be? should i really give up half of my games? on the other hand, do i risk possibly a bad outcome by running so much? my hr was probably in the neighborhood of 4,000bpm which is well over the recommended < 150bpm. additionally, as i was chasing plastic discs all over the rocky bumpy field that is anac*stia, i thought this about the potential life in my womb: 'if you are trying to implant NOW, good luck little sucker!' i rationalized this way: women have been getting pregnant for eons, and most of them did not sit on their heinies waiting on devil sticks to turn their way. they just lived their life, and got/stayed pregnant anyway. the proof is that we're all here, and only recently has leisure been an option for the vast majority of women. on the other hand, maybe women like me would not have gotten pregnant in the good old days. it comes down to this: do i blame myself more for sitting at home not playing and then getting a bfn, or play my a$$ off and risk a bfn that might have otherwise potentially be a bfp? i decided to play anyway, because i know that when the time comes, there's plenty of blame to go around.