Wednesday, August 1, 2007

and the 2ww officially starts...NOW!

when we got there this am (poor cl on 2hrs sleep) i talked with them a little about my less-than-spectacular follicular development. the np doing the insemination told me were she in charge of my protocol that month, she probably would have waited one more day for the follicles to mature and then had me trigger tues eve for a thurs am insemination. as i had already triggered monday eve, it was a moot point. maybe salt in the wound if you consider the 8+hr drive and all the missed clinicals for monitoring. and the 'don't worry, this could still work!!' didn't exactly fill me with enthusiasm either.

the prob with my RE clinic (an army clinic since cl is in the army) is there is no single provider i see each time, or even with any regularity. the residents rotate thru every month and the attendings rotate thru every 6 mos. the NP is the most stable person there, but her appts fill up very quickly and this month she had no availability on my cd11,cd12 or cd13. it is good care in that the financial burden to us is minimal. but it is bad care in that it is very very fragmented...i am a patient of the clinic, not of any specific person, so often it feels like i'm at the helm of a rudderless ship. and second guessing the IUI timing the morning of the IUI kinda sucks. especially because i also worried that maybe i was triggering too early, but it was cd15 already and, as the resident repeatedly stated, most people already have triggered by that point.

i guess if this cycle doesn't work we will just have to do things differently the next time. on the other hand, i don't want to write it off entirely because i did have an 18mm (which is completely reasonable to trigger with) and a 15mm that might have matured with the extra boost from the hcg shot. i also don't want to write it off too early because of all the effort we went thru. and also because of the associated bad karma...i had misgivings my entire last pregnancy (i say was 7wks long! ha!) and so when i did m/c part of me wondered if somehow my misgivings contributed to it. i wonder if scheduling appts NOW for next month's monitoring is prematurely writing this cycle off? its a tough balance between not getting your hopes up and not writing it off.

ANYWAY, it's done. the 2ww officially starts now. fingers crossed!


kim99 said...

I am thinking of you -- good luck!! I wouldn't worry about misgivings. I think if karma worked that way, no one would have normal babies ever. My thoughts are with you guys!

ultimatejourney said...

Good luck, hon. I worried about my cycle too because it didn't seem like the follies developed as quickly as they should've. But it worked out fine, and hopefully it will for you too.

Karen said...

an 18mm and a 15mm is perfect to trigger with! It takes 36 hours for the trigger shot to induce ovulation, during which time, you can expect an additional growth of 1-1.5mm. I triggered with nothing bigger than a 16.4 and I'm pregnant with triplets right now. Not to worry. In an ideal world you should have exactly one follicle between 18-20mm on the day of ovulation and you'll have at least that.

I have high, high hopes for you this cycle!!

In and Out of Luck said...

18mm and 15mm sound good! I know what you mean about worrying about your own misgivings. Sometimes I thought my fears were dooming me to failure, sometimes I thought they were informing me of failure. And when things were fine, I was no less afraid than when things were not fine. I was just afraid no matter what; it comes with the territory. Good luck to you! Fingers crossed!

Changing Expectations said...

Good luck! I am thinking and hoping so much for you!

Geohde said...

Yeah, the cycle I tried a trigger shot, it was all pear too. I was still hopeful in the TWW, and who the hell knows, it could still work. Good luck.