Saturday, January 19, 2008

things your dr doesn't tell you about eyeveeff cycles

1--there will be bloating

2--and water retention

3--not to mention weight gain

4--and you can kiss goodbye any semblance of bowel normalcy you may have had prior to the art cycle. your farts are now equal parts involuntary, plentiful and deadly. they resemble nothing so much as chemical eff YOU from your poor beleaguered abdomen against all other living beings, and may, in fact, clear a room (strategy for dealing with said stinkbombs: deny, deny deny. the truth takes too long).

i feel like, somehow, i didn't know or no one mentioned that my relationship with my midsection would be completely different in a rather unpleasant way. besides the fact that i'm sticking needles into that poor bastard 2x/day. at least right now i'm visiting CL for the weekend, so he can take up some of the jabbing that needs to be done. he gets to shoot me in my back fat, which is really glamorous for all involved.

2 comments:

kim99 said...

I guess the next time you and CL are having an argument, he has the opportunity to stick it to you with a needle...

Lori said...

I know it's not funny, but I'm laughing.

Steer clear of elevators. Unless one is full of doctors. Then you can blame it on them.