cl and i are doing ok today, but we might have had the stupidest fight of our marriage yet last night. and that is saying something. (what, exactly, it is saying i'd rather not know). anyway, cl has been feeling down as of late, and apparently has gained about 5lbs over the last couple weeks. i think he looks great, but as anyone who has struggled with their weight will tell you, what i think is hardly the point. anyway, i suggested we stop and get ice cream on the way home from dinner yesterday. my motives were simple: have ice cream on hand. i did not know that i nonverbally entered a binding contract with cl to eat ice cream with him that evening, or risk being a massive cock tease (ice cream tease?).
anyway, last night we were both chilling on the sofa after spending much of yesterday biking. he asked me to go get us some ice cream. for me, laziness wins out over most other motivations any time of the day, and i suggested that if it was ice cream he wanted, he should get off the sofa and hisself some because my a$$ was seated, and i didn't want any besides. he was horrified. i think part of my sensitivity to the request is due to the fact that that while growing up, my mother dear (whom i love, of course) had the nasty habit of summoning me from the clear other side of the house to fetch her something that was now equidistant from us both. i may have approached my poor husband's request with something between apprehension and outright derision. and here, he was just looking for an excuse to eat ice cream and not feel bad about eating it all alone. having me get it for him would have been the piece de resistance.
anyway, could such a fight go on for hours and hours? it can if the participants are me and cl. le sigh. oh well. we are back on track today.
cl is having a tough time right now. i leave on thurs, and won't be back until 6/15. plus he really had his heart broke by the m/c. as much as me, if not more. he says he's been self medicating with food, among other things. he was in a dour mood yesterday. i'm glad we are both of similar mind re: the m/c (i.e. that it was devastating), but sad that he feels so bad. i wish i could make some guarantee for us about the next time. cl signed us both up to recieve some literature about adoption. he really wants to be a dad, and i don't think it's a bad idea to remain open and informed about adoptive possiblities. neither of us would struggle to love an adopted child as much as any bio kid we might or might not have.
speaking of...today's OPK. i never really get full on positives with those things. damn the dominant lh paradigm. that frikking second line is there, and it's dark but is it as dark as or darker than the reference line? no, it is not. they never get that way for me though. so i'm charting it in FF as a negative, but treating it as a positive. glad something is positive. :)