are uteri vengeful?

this is us at nola jazzfest a month or so ago. a good trip, though having miscarried so soon after, i sometimes wonder if it was because it was so freaking hot there. heat in early pregnancy is associated with m/c. but then i realize that makes no sense...there are certainly babies born routinely in hotter places than nola in may, as hard as that is to believe.

cl is having a tough time of it, and he really suffers physically when he has a tough time. right now his IBS is acting up, and he is getting cold sores on his lips. i was down this weekend and he was grumpy and we ended up arguing a good part of the weekend. it sucks because since we don't live together there's more pressure to make the time we spend together 'quality time.' so it seems like an extra waste when we argue and i know we won't see each other for another 2 wks. he is really going to try and shelve all pregnancy/adoption thoughts for a month and i think it's a good idea because we are at least a month away from being able to do anything anyway. if he keeps dwelling on it, he is just going to be even more sick and miserable than he is now. i know he can't help it. but we can't go away, he can't stay drunk for a month and there just isn't any way to make the time go faster but to go through it.

i joke alot (and am at least half serious when i do) about having the old uterus taken out once i've done all i can with it. i don't think it's a bad idea, but then i wonder if somehow it KNOWS i feel that way, and so is trying less hard for me now. can bad thoughts about a uterus contribute towards IF and m/c? big brother uterus is watching YOU.