my husband lives in sc but is coming up this weekend. we haven't gone out yet to celebrate the bfp; in fact, i was so sure i was m/c'ing a few days ago i called him to tell him it was done. after the beta doubled i said when he came up we should go out to celebrate the bfp. but almost immediately after the words left my lips i regretted them. maybe it is a mistake to celebrate because what if i m/c? what if there's no hb at the ultrasound? we should do nothing to commemmorate it--at least until i get a hb--because what if there isn't one? that would make the whole thing a farce, and celebrating it obscene.
on the other hand, if there isn't a hb, i'll be destroyed whether or not we go out to dinner this weekend. and if i only get a few days/wks of this, shouldn't i at least *try* not to be morbid and enjoy myself, if only for a little while? if it doesn't continue (or even if it does) will i have wasted it completely by spending the whole time expecting disaster?
how do i let go enough to acknowledge (and maybe celebrate) that something momentous happened...but also hold back enough that something of me is left if it all goes to hell? i can't find the balance between holding on and letting go and i need to do both to get through the next few weeks.
it would be nice if i could just go to sleep and wake up 12 wks from now and someone could tell me how it went instead of plodding through it all day after day.