jiving and surviving

hello blogger my old friend
i've come to talk with you again.
because the blog as yet unwritten,
attached to the LOL kitten,
and the post, that was planted in my brain
had this refrain--
you must get your a$$ up from where it is sittin!!!

my only big news is that the NT screen that i got thanks to leah is neg. downs risk is 1 in 7901 and trisomy 13/18 is 1 in >10,000.

i also must say that the purchase of a doppler has done more for my fragile mental state than the SSRI's, relaxation tapes, and tepid baths combined. i realize i'm setting myself up for disaster by saying it (saying what? did somebody say something? ptu! ptu! ptu!).

this semester is KILLING me. praise jeebus that it's almost over. today my preceptor scolded me for not completing a history and physical on a brittle diabetic patient in under half an hour. well, my dear, you frequently fail on that score as well. so bite me.

but i digress. this weekend i will be at jazzfest. ste.vie won.der baybeeee!!!! heeyaw!

ultimate

so i play a sport called ultimate frisbee. technically, it's a no-contact sport, but there is alot of incidental contact with other players and the ground. i've played for about 10 years, but haven't played at all this spring.

last night i stopped by a teammates for dinner after work and he asked me if i was going to play tomorrow. i said no and reminded him i was pg (he knew, but i don't look it so i figured maybe he forgot). neither he nor his wife (also on my team) gave me any grief about it, but the wife casually mentioned that she knows other women who played up to 5mos pregnant and even beyond.

the more i sat with that, the worse i felt. i love ultimate, and i hate letting my team down, but there's no way i could take the risk of even incidental contact. and to avoid all contact basicaly means taking no risks while playing. i've spent years trying to teach myself to play more aggressively, i don't want to start trying to play more passively. and it isn't worth the worry. if i did fall or get run into (which doesn't always happen, but always could) it would take days of reassuring sono's for me to even feel remotely ok. so i know i can't play. i can't even put myself in the mindset of the 5mos pg woman who does play...does she figure she won't have contact? does she just assume that everything will be ok if there is? otoh, i feel bad that maybe other pregnant women in my position are doing more, and maybe my paranoia is restricting me even beyond what i thought it was. it didn't occur to me that pg women played much past getting a hb (the limit i set for myself) and now that i know they do, it makes me feel a little bit bad about myself. :( oh well.

on unrelated good news, my doppler came last night and after i got a 9v battery for it this morning i heard the HB. strong, regular, 160's. i think if i can get the hb every morning maybe...maybe...maybe...i can let myself think beyond just a few days from now into the months ahead. maybe. i've passed other milestones where i thought that would happen and it didn't, but hopefully this will help.

stupidest...logic...ever (or, trying to get my NT scan)

so, bad news first: i talked to the attending dr of maternal fetal medicine at BethNav on monday, voicing my concerns with being offered a distinctly substandard aneuploidy screen, particulary when such a policy is distinctly at odds with acog guidelines. she informed me that acog states merely that all pregnant women should be offered _A_ screen, not the _BEST_ screen...and they just simply have too many patients to do an NT on all. i told her that given the 80% detection rate for serum alone and 95% for both combined, they'd surely miss quite a few downs cases that they could have otherwise detected. she said they are aware of that, it's just how it is. she offered me a cvs though, which is essentially a core biopsy of the placenta carrying with it the attendant risk of damage to the fetus or m/c. so, i can't get a 5 minute, non invasive screen, but i can get an expensive, risky, labor intensive procedure i don't really need? interesting. maybe she offered it because she assumed i'd say no, which is of course what i'm saying.

the good news: i am getting an NT scan, paying for it out of pocket, and with the help of the lovely and talented Leah it should only be $300-$400. praise be for fellow stirrup queens with connections! the scan is next tues at 830a, wish me luck!

inspired or truly stupid...time will tell

so, i think i'm going to order this doppler. it's a good one, and i lie and tell myself that it has another use besides my paranoia...i can use it on my patients on the rare occasions when that is necessary. surely a use that justifies the $550 price tag, nu?

not much up here. i'm still getting by sono to sono, hb to hb. 12wks tomorrow. tomorrow i'm also going to try and get the hb by doppler (similar model) after clinical. hopefully it won't be as agonizing trying to find it as last time, but will instead pop right up :).

i also don't look pregnant at all to anyone but myself. but last week my loving and adoring spouse did comment that i'm getting a bit fuzzy in the under-chin area. and yet, we're still married as of this week! i'm such a softie.

also: thanks to everyone for their suggestions regarding the NT screen madness. it is truly an astoundingly wretched policy to withhold the screen from those that want it. i looked into getting it elsewhere (i.e. on the civilian side) and it is prohibitively expensive. i would have to be seen by my old ob-gyn, pay out of pocket, be referred for a sono and pay for the sono, radiography tech and radiographer all out of pocket. in the state where i live, it would actually be cheaper to wait until the 18wk scan, and then get a late 2nd trimester abortion if i had to. it's definitely not good policy, but it seems to be the best of my limited options. :(