this cycle

today when we were walking CL asked me about when i thought i'd ovulate this cycle. it's really hard to tell. it's been 12 days or so since the m/c. from everything i've read, most women ovulate 14-28 days after a m/c. so, it could be anywhere from two days from now to two weeks from now. i am a late ovulator anyway, so i'll probably be in the 2 wk from now camp vs. the 2 day from now camp. i've given alot of thought as to what to do this cycle. most medical advice i've gotten says its advisable to wait until you have one normal cycle before you try again. it's good advice, but hard to follow since my cycles are so goddamn long! so what i've come up with is this: i am only going to be in town with CL until this coming thursday anyway. starting tomorrow i will use OPK kits. if i get a positive between now and when i leave, we will absolutely act on it. if not, then we will consider it for the best and wait til next cycle anyway. next cycle we will use clomid/hcg/iui again. it sort of almost worked this last time. i can't imagine why we would need to have protected sex or avoid sex around ovulation...no one said we need to use condoms or anything this cycle. so, that's where i'm at now. checking for o, timely bd if possible, letting the chips fall where they may. bringing the whole campaign of modern machinery back to bear next cycle.

my mom sent me a post apologizing for freaking me out last night. i know she meant well, and didn't mean anything by it, but it was really upsetting. thinking about how we'd lost ours so recently and then thinking maybe my sister was losing hers...ugh. i love her, but i've gotta avoid her in some situations because she brings me to deep dark places that i've only just recently left. my own recent m/c is like a newly formed scab. thinking about my sister going through the same thing only a week or so later just tears it right off. for now, i want the scab to heal. it will never be skin again, but i'll take the scar tissue. it's not as resiliant as skin, but it's a lot tougher.