having adventures when what i really want is sleep

the last few days i have been just exhausted. bring-tears-to-your-eyes exhausted. and then i think about all the work i have left to do and it makes me want to cry all over again. i know my hold on your sympathy is precarious, if indeed there is any for me at all. after all, i am an infertile with a BFP, so i'm lucky. and i know i am, even though it doesn't really make me want to cry less.

this friday i'm going to haiti on a medical outreach trip, so there will be radio silence for a week until i come back. the suitcase is filled, and i haven't yet packed any clothes. i think this is a problem. between meals, snacks, gifts for my hosts, tp, baby wipes and the veritable pharmacy i am bringing with me (including 2 injectable meds with associated paraphenalia, mind you) there's no room left for clothes. frick. my mom is convinced (and has zero reservation about telling me, very very frequently in fact) that i should not go, and that going will cause either m/c or birth defects. she says i shouldn't go in the 1st trimester because "all of the organs are forming." which is true, but so what? it also means if i actually do m/c or have a baby with defects, i will never be able to look at her again because i know she'll think it's my fault. always, somewhere in my mind i'll be thinking that somewhere in HER mind is the idea that the trip caused it. i have my RE's blessing...my mom can bite it for now.

i have the hb scan the week i get back, on 3/5. i am nervous as hell for that. i'm going with my sister so at least i have that going for me...she's an excellent support person. i'm not sure if i should wear earplugs and close my eyes and just have j tell me in the car on the way home how it went or what. otoh, if it goes badly i'll probably want to have some conversation with the poor resident about what comes next. so, i am very glad my sis is going with me but i am NOT looking forward to the appointment. yet, i can't just not go either, or my brain would explode from angst. sounds like fun, eh? bet you wish YOU were on my little brain hamster wheel.

notes about haiti from hereFACTS ABOUT HAITI:
Haiti's ecology has been significantly damaged since its independence in 1804. Only 7% of the country's original forest remains unscathed by deforestation. Most of the trees have been cut down and used as firewood for heating and cooking. Some wood has been sold to surrounding island nations to provide much needed income. Massive soil erosion has also occurred due to the vast amount of deforestation. Thus, much of the soil in Haiti has been depleted of vital minerals.

Most of the water in Haiti is also polluted. This includes parts of the coastal areas, such as the Bay of Port-au-Prince, and most of the major ports and some coastal towns. The water throughout the country is nonpotable.