baseline=groggy

well, i had my baseline appt at zero-dark-thirty in the morning today, all the more special because i finished clinical at 2am the night before. the baseline was everything i hoped and more. i got venipunctured, dildocammed, and "chaperoned" by an obliging stranger that i picked up in the waiting room, just as they said i would. "himynameislauraiknowwevenevermetbut..." actually, i was sort of glad i did have a chaperone today. i had a lovely and patient dr, one who i've actually seen before which is a rarity at my clinic. he did one or two of our IUI's and he's really soft spoken and gentle.

these are good qualities, except when the problem is not being able to find your left ovary. my right ovary was very cooperative. it was right where it was supposed to be, and i think i had maybe 20 antral follicles. in the past when i've triggered i've almost always felt it on the right side. the left was just nowhere in sight. and really, the minutes do seem like DAYS when the legs are up and the dildocam is in. finally, failing to find the ovary with more conservative measures, he pushed on my stomach right above the pubic bone on the left, apparently hoping to scare my anatomy into place. i couldn't help but flinch. and i was suddenly, momentarily, very glad for the chaperone. thankfully, the ovary then decided to make a grand entrance and demonstrated it's near lack of follicles, clear disinterest in the process at hand, and whispered off behind a loop of bowel from whence it came.

then i was the chaperone for the stranger, who, coincidentally enough, also had a hiding left ovary. she got the same abdominal treatment i did, apparently to less spectacular results. the doc asked her if she'd ever had abd surgery and she responded 'only the tubal ligation, and then the reversal.' some little evil part of my brain immediately thought: 'well, it's obvious why she needs IVF, what the hell am I doing here?' the doc did eventually find her left ovary as well.

i then got a tentative schedule (the best part of all this so far). i start lupron and stims on thursday, back for more blood work next monday, and more bloodwork and an u/s next weds. tentative retrieval 2 wks from today. i argued passionately that as i give people injections nearly daily, i should be able to skip the injection class tomorrow at buttfugearly. the class won't help the mental block that comes with giving yourself shots and that's really the only part i need help with. thankfully, i was excused. i'll spend my hooky day smoking cigarettes and buying black lipstick, just like i know i should :).

i found out a short while ago (when we were paying the bill, actually...HA! Suprise!) that the clinic has automatically slotted us into the ICSI category because we are using a previously frozen sample. i talked to them about it today and they said that with a frozen sample, there's a 90% chance they'll do ICSI but it isn't 100% positive. i'm having a hard time with the ICSI thing. it seems that if they do ICSI, then whoever is the dr working that day is literally choosing our future child(ren). how do they pick? cutest sperm? fastest swimmer? only boys on tuesdays, only girls on wednesdays? i know it's stupid, but i'm BLAH about ICSI at the moment. it has it's place, and i can totally see myself a year from now typing in something about how ICSI is our last great hope, but for now it sorta weirds me out. it would be nice if the union of sperm and egg were not medically directed, even though most everything else in this process leading up to the union is.

there is some unmitigated good news in all this though: my last bcp was actually sunday night, since due to the short night i forgot to take yesterday's pill. SWEET!